god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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