1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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