I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
