found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
