I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
