piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
