If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
