she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
