so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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