just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
