OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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