It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
