She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
