Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
