There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
