I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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