Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
