I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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