dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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