She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
