those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
