we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
