we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
