im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
