dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
