You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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