Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
