Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
