Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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