A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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