don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
