I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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