i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
