I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
