Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
