First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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