Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
