In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
