I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
