I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
