you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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