I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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