Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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