Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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