ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
