This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
