How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How's work?
Spinning.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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