just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
