I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
