he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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