In the future we'll all be gay
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
