k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
pop tarts are not kleenex
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When did angry sex become our thing?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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