The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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